


There's a Unicorn in My Bedroom! (or, "How Arthur Discovered Merlin Had Magic")

by Lassroyale



Category: Arthurian Mythology, Merlin (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Complete, Crack, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Logic, Fairy Tale Parody, Fluff and Crack, Fractured Fairy Tale, Humor, M/M, Magic, Magic Revealed, Magical Accidents, Sex Magic, Sexual Humor, Stealth Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-24
Updated: 2011-06-24
Packaged: 2017-10-20 17:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lassroyale/pseuds/Lassroyale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, weird things  started happening whenever Merlin had, err<i>...coitus</i>.  Really, it was bound to happen sooner or later.</p><p><b><span class="u">[PLEASE NOTE]</span></b> <i>No naked fairies were harmed during the creation of this fic.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	There's a Unicorn in My Bedroom! (or, "How Arthur Discovered Merlin Had Magic")

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written on the Merlin/Arthur kinkmeme on livejournal for the prompt:  
> 'Arthur discovers Merlin has magic - the how is up to you.'

**-VVV-**

  
Any decent witch or warlock with enough patience and discipline can learn enough of the basic fundamentals of magic in order to use it consistently.  The wise ones, however, know that there's really only one truly intrinsic constant about magic: it is a wild and unpredictable force. Even those who profess to have mastered the art of weaving its arcane threads together into spells of incredible power have often found that even a spell cast numerous times before may, just once, go terribly, terribly awry.

Given his general luck in life...well, suffice to say, Merlin was actually surprised that something like _this_ hadn’t happened before now.

 _'This’_ happened to refer to the tiny and decidedly nude fairy girl, who, only moments ago, had seen fit to alight delicately atop of Merlin's head and make a nest of his hair.

At the moment, the small fairy was gaily chattering at him from her perch atop his head, the sound of her voice rising and falling like the musical chiming of numerous tiny bells.  She kept up an endless stream of animated chatter, and Merlin, much to his chagrin, had discovered quickly that she liked to talk...and talk…and _talk_. She spoke with her whole body, often punctuating her words with extravagant and sweeping gestures despite the fact that her expressive movements shook his entire head and sent clouds of sparkly fairy dust raining down into his face. 

Now, as to  _how_  exactly, a little fairy girl had come to be there in the first place…well _that_ was another matter entirely.

Merlin felt himself flush as he vividly remembered how and when it happened, shame, bewilderment, but mainly embarrassment branding his cheeks scarlett. 

 The chatty, blonde, and unabashedly nude little fairy had  _exploded_ _into being,_ when Merlin had…err…well….orgasmed.

Merlin couldn't help from cringing inwardly at the memory;  he wondered briefly if smothering himself with a pillow might somehow make this whole ordeal (dear gods, let it be so) a little less humiliating. 

He sighed, shifted, then immediately sneezed as a small cloud of pixie dust showered down on him; the damned stuff had thoroughly settled into his hair and onto his skin, making him _glow_ in a way that had little to do with usual post-sex afterglow.  

His unexpected  and erratic movement toppled the small blonde fairy unceremoniously from her perch atop his head. In a blink, she'd zipped around to hover directly in front of Merlin's face, another blizzard of glittery dust stirred up in the sudden flurry of motion.  Merlin barely had time to react  when she abruptly planted her hands on her hips and began to scold him, the angry peal of her voice momentarily drowning out all other noise with the sound of a churchbell carillon.

  
Merlin only distantly registered the chiming din of her voice, which was unaccountably loud for her diminutive size. His mind was caught somewhere between scandalized and absurdity, his eyes going wide as he watched the tiny woman and her tiny lady parts hover and jiggle while she gave him a rather healthy scolding.

Manners made Merlin quickly avert his gaze and a fresh dose of shocked embarrassment washed through him, his ears flushing pink with heat. There was nothing in his upbringing that had taught him the proper ettiquette for dealing with tiny naked fairies magicked suddenly into existence, though he couldn't help but think that there _had_ to be some sort of royal law or decree, expressly forbidding the presence of tiny, magic naked winged women in the Crown Prince's bedchamber while he was asleep.  Period.  It was just _improper,_  not to mention illegal. 

The fairy, seeing that she no longer held Merlin's attention, swooped even closer and raised her voice even louder as she began to berate him with renewed vigor. It was then that Merlin finally registered the din she was creating, the noise like a crescendo of orchestratal bells, looped in an unending allegro. Despite her diminutive stature, the sound seemed swell and echo inside the room with unreasonable loudness.

Next to them, Arthur groaned and swatted half-heartedly at him, then buried himself deeper into the pillows. "Shaddup,"came Arthur's muffled grumble, his voice thick with post-coitus sleep.

Merlin panicked briefly and swatted at the irksome little thing. "Be quiet," he hissed, shooting a glance at Arthur. For once, he was thankful that he seemed to sleep so soundly once he'd been...ah, _sated_. "Arthur can't see you. He'd have both of our heads."

The fairy only folded her arms across her small bosom, and pouted.

"I know Tinky," Merlin began, immediately sneezing again as the tiny girl flew at his face in a burst of sparkles and glitter dust . "I meant Tinkybelle!" he cried holding his arms over his head as the irate fairy began to buzz around him with a sound like chimes in a windstorm.

"MERLIN!"

Merlin froze, his arms still raised for the attack that had suddenly ceased coming. He peered out from under his elbow at Arthur, who looked much like a grumpy bear woken prematurely from hibernation.

"I thought I ordered you to shut up," Arthur groused.  He paused, then peered groggily at him, a confused expression spreading across his features.  "Is that," Arthur coughed, "is that  _glitter_?"

"It's erm, Morgana's," stammered Merlin. At Arthur's less than impressed look, he hastened to add, "She said it made me look,  erm...pretty?"

"Gods, what am I going to do with you?" grumbled Arthur in response, as he rolled over and immediately fell back asleep.

 

**-VVV-**

  
The second time it happened, Merlin and Arthur had been taking a tumble in the hay - literally.  The air was heavy with the smell of sex.  Arthur was a solid weight moving above him, crashing and rolling deep into him with long deep strokes. Merlin's dark hair was slick with sweat; the taste of Arthur was on his lips, salty beneath his tongue.  

Merlin could feel his orgasm right there, throbbing just beneath his fingertips, and with one more  slide of his fist against his cock, he came and came hard.

When his vision cleared, he wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and and pulled him down for a deep kiss.  He caught Arthur's groan as he stiffened and came.  Merlin's breath was ragged as Arthur withdrew and exhaled a contented sigh against his neck, before collapsing almost on top of him, half-pinning Merlin beneath his body.

Merlin sighed and tried unsuccessfully to move out from underneath Arthur's dead weight, when he noticed the pair of yellow eyes staring down at him from the rafters of the barn. At first, Merlin thought it might be some sort of weird or dangerous creature.  Then the pair of eyes moved from the shadows and revealed the rest of the owner.

A cat.

Merlin heaved a sigh of relief and relaxed back as the sudden tension which had wound  through his body,  ebbed. He instead shifted and tried to find a comfortable position beneath Arthur's bulk.

Well,  that is until the cat hopped smoothly down from the rafters - a huge tabby, it looked like - and proceeded to try on Arthur's boots.

Damn. Just damn.

"Psst! Shoo kitty!" Merlin warned, throwing a stone in its direction. The cat ducked the stone with something less than abject interest,  and turned its luminous yellow eyes  upon him.

"I would p _rrr_ fe _rrr_ if you _rrr_ ef _rrr_ ained f _rrr_ om doing that," mewed the tabby as it stomped around in Arthur's boots.

Merlin gaped. "Y-you _talk_?!" he stammered. The cat gave him a slow blink and proceeded to swat at a string with his little feline paw.

"Why shouldn't I talk?" he purred, his tail lashing to and fro as he pranced around in the prince's clunky boots again, abandoning the string. "You c _rrr_ eated me."

Now Merlin wasn't sure he was okay with that thought, but at that moment Arthur rumbled atop of him. "What're you saying?" mumbled he.

The warlock sighed and let his head drop back to the hay. "There's a cat wearing your boots, Arthur."

"Ngh."

"Really."

"Let 'im, they're the boots you ruined anyway since you can't seem to polish anything."

"I did not!" huffed Merlin indignantly, but Arthur was already snoring again.

***

The third time it happened, there was no keeping it from Arthur. In fact, Merlin hadn't even come down from his post-coital high before he felt the tension curl through the air. He sat up groggily, assessed the situation, and burst into hysterical, slightly maniacal laughter.

Arthur was standing, stark naked by the bedside, with a dagger in one hand as he stared wide-eyed at the unicorn in his bedroom.

The.unicorn.in.his.bedroom.

Oh gods, Merlin was losing his head for this one for sure. Even as the thought crossed his mind, the unicorn stamped its foot and plodded over to nibble on the leftovers of Arthur's lunch.

"What's all of this! What-how-" The prince sputtered, clearly out of his element. He remembered what had happened last time he'd slain a unicorn, and wasn't keen on reliving the events. Still, how had one gotten into _his_ bedroom.

Just then, what appeared to be a tiny, flying, and very naked girl shot through the open window and right to Merlin. The...thing, nestled right into his hair and...well, _chimed_ at him happily.

Arthur sat down heavily, staring at Merlin as if he were the unicorn that had magically appeared in his chambers.

"You did this?" he asked weakly, letting the tip of his dagger lower. The warlock, looking utterly frightened, nodded. "How?"

Now Merlin looked more embarrassed than frightened. "Well see, that's the thing," he mumbled, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. "It sort of happens everytime I-err-everytime we-ahh-well-umm-"

"Spit it out!" snapped the prince, his blue eyes narrowing.

"It happens whenever I orgasm, okay?" spat Merlin angrily in reply, his cheeks the color of a ruby apple.

Arthur was speechless for several long, painful moments, and then, without quite meaning to, burst into laughter.

"Gods, _Mer_ lin, you're a horrible sorcerer, too!"

Merlin looked at Arthur in disbelief as the prince stalked back over and gave him a solid kiss on the lips. "We _will_ discuss this later, but for now, get rid of these creatures before my father sees them."

"Well," said Merlin uncomfortably, "that's the thing..."

"What's the thing?" asked Arthur, poking a finger at the tiny fairy girl, which she promptly bit.

"I sort of...can't."

"WHAT?"

(The End.)


End file.
